Future Plans

Saw this tweet a couple of days ago & it had me thinking. Where do I think I'll be in the next 18 months? I hate to even think about a couple months from now. My mind won't even let myself go that far into the future. To me it looks dark and bleak, because of the present.

It's crazy how I used to stay up every night till almost 2 in the morning, dreaming, planning, writing for my future. I didn't care what time I had to get up in the morning. I loved my sleep but I lived for my future. That's what kept me up night after night. Now, I usually go to sleep at 12; 1 if I'm really feeling daring. My current state of mind at that time was," I have to be responsible, I go to college." That was what I thought would get me out of my situation. I had to be focused. But I wasn't living, I really wasn't thinking at all. I slept soundly, while many other people, were grinding, chasing after and working towards what they live for.

I want to wake up every morning, tired as hell, knowing that I worked my ass off on something that's apart of and contributing to my future. I want to know that I'm one step closer to my dreams becoming an reality. I plan to devote my heart, my soul, my everything to make this happen.

So here's to returning to late night writing & planning sessions, giving my life to something that I live for: my future. ♥

"These Thoughts"

This poem is a personal work of my own. I wrote this today when I had time to actually think. Usually I write bits and pieces of lines, but today I just went with it and wrote.

Thoughts that creep
Thoughts that seep
Thoughts that feed off of negative energy

These thoughts they greed
These thoughts don't sleep
These thoughts they live and breathe
Just like you and me
It's my brain they're inhabiting
It's my soul they're attacking
Somewhere in my heart I feel my defense is slacking
Telling me that my talent is lacking
Damn I feel so weak
Why me?

The girl they know
isn't the girl they see
It's these thoughts
they have a hold on me
Even though they're in my mind
They will never know what feels like to be me

They crowd, surround, and try to drown me
Trying to spot the promised land
I won't sink
I refuse to believe
I refuse to think
That these thoughts know what's best for me
They just want the best of me
My talent, these words, my sanity
So I'ma go after what I want because I want it
Not because I'm scared you're gunnin for it

Beautiful Lasers(Cover)

Lupe Fiasco's song that hasn't been fully released but definitely building the hype for his CD. I found this cover by tracekillz on YouTube and I was blown away. Just as good as the original. Check it out and show him some love. He's talented.

Influence: Eminem

So lately I've been in this rut, haven't really been blogging lately. I've been feeling weird, and have been feeling like what I think or say doesn't matter anymore. But then I thought about all the talents I've been blessed with, I think what I have to say matters, whether I like it or not.

Eminem. Amazing guy. With his reemergence with the guest spot on Wayne's "Drop the World" and B.o.b.'s "Airplanes Pt. 2", I can't help but be excited for his CD Recovery to drop in June.

I just love how he attacks every beat he's on. His energy is amazing on every single track. He has this "fuck you, I'm doing me" attitude that I love and have needed to hear the past couple of weeks.

His verse in "Airplanes Pt. 2" is one of my favorite verses of his. I listened to his verse & I felt like he was talking directly to me. I was at a point in my life where I felt kind of lazy and hesitant with making music my career. I gotta do more than just wish and hope that this happens; I gotta be pro-active in making my dreams a reality. After hearing this, I finally realized that I am who I am to make music, and it's gonna take more than just talent out of me to make it happen.


"The Way I Am" might be just my favorite song of his. I've been playing this constantly when I'm angry or just in my "I don't give a fuck" mood. It has helped me see things differently. I am who I am, nothing else really matters after that.


This is a freestyle that he came out with today; mixing both "Over" and "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" beats and killing them both.


I just really admire him, he puts his everything into his music. Which is what I'll be doing as well.

His single for his CD drops on Friday titled "Not Afraid".

We All Walk in Different Shoes

Are we killing ourselves?

Before my spring break, my sociology teacher showed us the video "Killing us Softly 3" by Jean Kilbourn about how advertising affects women and how they see theirselves. It was a really good video but some of the images and arguments that she posted were far fetched and exaggerated, of course to prove her point. She was very convincing. This was the second time I had viewed the video & I had wanted to sound off on this before, but seeing it this time around made me see things differently.

For homework we had to find an ad in a newspaper or magazine that supported or dissagreed with her argument. At 1st I though that this assignment would be easy. I looked for pictures of women in suggestive poses, women with no clothes, women who were thought to be used as "sex objects" to sell the product. As I poured over my mother's issues of Vogue, I found myself reading into every image that I saw, wondering if it supported Jean's thesis. Then I had to stop myself and ask, "Wait, do I really agree with her, or am I taking the easy way out agreeing with her?" Seeing the video the second time made me put things in perspective. I saw her aim and what she wanted to accomplish with her agrument. With these arguments you want to bring up and showcasew the mose extreme information to support what you claim. She interpreted some of the ads how she wanted to, she was convincing. Which is why I tore out two pictures that supported her before stopping myself. One was of a breast implant ad, and the other was a women in a Disel ad only wearing underwear. I saw more pictures that I could've tore out but to tell the truth I wasn't offended or felt how

Jean Kilborn woul've felt if she viewed these images. I felt that these pictures were jus the vision and what the designer or company thought how to best sell their product. For the ads that are conterversial or out there, they're created that way to produce the reaction they want that will more than likely prompt the person to take a second look. I don't think they sit and think, "How can we best make women offended, mad or even feel like crap?" Like a line from my favorit show Secret Life of The American Teenager,"It's called SELF-esteem for a reason." Wome have to stop looking for ads or spreads in magazines that are going to build us up. These images are purely to show off the merchandise, the vision. The models aren't the focus, they're just a factor.

America as a country is so obsessed with images, dealing with the body and how we view ourselves. It's one of the reasons why we have so many eating disorders. It made me think: Why are other countries so comfortable with their bodies and what they think beauty is? Does this make them unorthodox, outrageous people because they view the human body and present theirselves differently? I look at human anatomy differently as well; it's art. Our canvas, our temple. When I get totally comfortable with myself and my body, I'm for sure hitting up a nudist beach overseas.

With all this running through my mind, I was better prepared to find an image that supported MY agrument. I came across a Kenneth Cole ad campaign from '08 where he picked everyday people who defied the norms.

The one that I tore out was of this transgender woman Nina Poon, she's gorgeous. I ultimately wanted to present something that I believed. I was happy I gave myself a chance to think about how I felt and not give into what Jean Kilborn wanted me to feel.

Our teacher made us come up and present our ads and made a tally after we stated our side. By the end, it was 18 1/2 supporters vs. 4 1/2 non-supporters. My friend Carolina who was in the supporting category said, " I didn't agree with her either but it was easier to find an ad." I understood what she was sayinh but I wondered how many other people other people took the same route.

Something new..

Things need to change, I can feel it. Everything in my life needs an upgrade, a face-lift, whatever you want to call it. Including this blog. I may revamp it, delete the past entries and move forward, or I might just delete the blog and start all over. I've neglected this because of my crappy computer. I want to create a place where people can just see positivity through different art forms. That is my aim.

Video Visions

In a world full of the normal, short, non inspiring music videos, Lady Gaga continues to wow me with these mini movie concepts. I was kind of skeptical when I first heard that the video was released yesterday and that the video was a little over 9 mins! I took a chance and was entranced by the video. Even though the concept of her going to jail singing that she's in a club was kind of confusing but I really gotta give big ups to Lady Gaga, nobody's doing what she's doing right now. You can really tell that everything that she does creatively, she gives it her all and pushing the limits, that's something to be admired for. Genius!

New Year...

I've survived the first decade of 2000! And I'm about to be 19, my last teen year. =]

I'm back home. For how long, I have no idea. I have to get used to being back here, I adored the freedom and solitude down in Columbus. Here there's rules and restrictions that I have to adhere to. I have to get a job, I need an internship this summer. I have to put myself in the position to be seen as a canidate for them with some credentials. Fashion blog and fashion column at my new school. Since Cleveland is not really big on fashion, like knowing designers, I have to spin it differently, and having the fashion blog will give me a chance to talk and just mush over fashion, post some of my outfits and inspirations and just give me a platform if I want a fashion internship this summer.

Yes, I have a lot of drive and so many ambitions. But I have no fun. This year I wanna do things differently. I don't really have New Years Resolutions but I have an idea of some of the things that I want to do.

1. Learn how to cook
2. Bake more
3. Learn how to skateboard
4. Write more
5. Photograph more
6. Revamp my look; I wanna dress how I want to
7. Live and live with no regrett

There's more but I've forgotten. This list seems doable. Life is really about creating your own oppurtunities and make the most of the ones placed before you. I really have none to waste if I wanna get where I want to be.

Influence: Gordon Parks

I've been so busy with school that I've been neglecting showcasing my influences and replays of the week. So whenever I have time to do so, that's when I'll do it.

Gordon Park was something like a Renaissance man. Photographer, director, composer, writer of fiction and non fiction; he's certainly lived a rich and colorful life.

I just read one of his memoirs(you know you've lived a great life if you're writing multiple memiors!) named A Hungry Heart and it's one amazing book. You travel with him and see the world and different events through his eyes. He meets and shoots some incredible people including sdxf Malcolm X, Muhammed Ali, and directing the classic movie Shaft.

He will be very influencial for me in my future and even now. He moved from job to job and had artistic integrity, something I wish to keep with me throughout my whole life. He worked extra hard to get where he was and didn't waste one oppurtunity. He depicted and went after assignments that other people thought could only be said with words. He pushed boundaries. I really admire him for that.


I wish he was alive because it would be amazing to meet and talk with him, have him tell me stories, give me tips and give bits of wisdom.

I wanna be a Renaissance woman.